you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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