I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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