Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
