I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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