His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
