apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you inspire me to be a worse person
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
