it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
