I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
