I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
