Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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