we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
