My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
