I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have feelings that need drinking.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
