Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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