i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
