imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize