what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
