Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
