Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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