i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize