I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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