I think I won the penis lottery.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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