oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
