Umm I'm too high to move.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
