Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize