He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
