i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
