Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
where am i from again
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She needs sedatives and a leash
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
