I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
