Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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