we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
