What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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