PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize