my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
