you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
