just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
