I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
organizing the empties. That sober.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
