no, he came in my armpit
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize