I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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