I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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