I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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