Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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