hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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