Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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