I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just google imaged poop.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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