god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i out mim tonsoeep
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