apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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