So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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