You work out of a Hotel?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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