wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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