she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
