i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
