people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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