I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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