you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
