You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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