I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
