Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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