I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
