did you get engaged???
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
