Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
worst night to have a conscience
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
