I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize