Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
