Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
