She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize