I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
