Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize