You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
