Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
