Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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