i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
