sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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