So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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