i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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