I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
one might say we're banned from that church
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
