If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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